Hey mama
How have you been up there? Has everything been good? As for me, I have so much things to say to you. I always thought I am an independent girl who can withstand anything even a storm but I realize I am or have I become an insecured lonely girl. I don’t know if people believe this or not but guess what I always feel your presence right beside me whenever I feel lonely or left out. It has been 5mths 23 days and I still have the whole scenario in my eyes. Every time I think of it or if not the scenario itself comes by, tears juz start flowing by itself.
You know everyone has been claiming that I must be responsible, role model etcc..but why is dat not even one person actually realize that I am lost and I need someone to lean on, I also need you the most. I am really feeling tired, devastated and lonely mum. Everyone says I have changed. Have I changed for the good or the bad. Have I myself changed or has the circumstances changed me. I have so much things in mind to be done mum, many things..I use to write so many stories, but none I published, now when I want to write and publish it to tell the world that I am a writer, I can’t even write a single word.
I can’t do things which I use to do. To people’s eyes, yes I am working, earning, surrounded by loved ones and good friends but am the most loneliest person. I feel I am missing something but I don’t really know why and what is it. It seems like nowadays I seem to lose my temper n get agitated easily and stuff. When I have done soo much it does not seem to be appreciated at all. I feel like I am just useless for everything.
You taught me to have confidence and faith in myself but I lost it mum, totally. You know when u were around, you were the one who always have something to say abt me but now it looks like everyone has many things to say abt me. My emotions and feelings are tormenting me every single day.
I know people mite thing I am crazy or even turning into one psycho, coz I do really see you mum. When I watch tv, when I walk, when I am sleeping, I really do see you n feel your presence. I know very well its not my imagination mum. I want to bring out my talent mum but I don’t know what it is. All I can say is that I am in a total mess. I am writing this letter is to let you know that I really do need you by my side. Please show me some signs to tell me what are my talents n to put my effort in it. I want you to show me some signs to go for my ambition, I want you to show me signs to let me know that you are guiding me throughout. I have never done this but now I yearn to do this mum, I want to hug you tightly and lie on your lap and cry out all my bottled up feelings. Please mum would you give me that golden opportunity. I know its impossible, but I also know you can make it possible by your presence which only can be seen by my eyes.
P.S I miss you.