*Shamz and Jag*
*Jag and Me*
*smile...shamz n me*
*posing for da pic*
*From Top Clockwise: Hema, Puvan, Me and Shamz*
*From Bottom left: Puvan and sham, Middle: Me and Top: Hema*
Aighz dats all for now..AdiyoZ...
Happy Father’s Day to all daddies and also to my special dad..
First of all for now my dad and I are not in good terms much..but no matter wad he is my dad I have always been his best daughter..well dats wad he claims..lolz. yeah Happy Father’s Day Dad! I use to give a surprise gift and stuff..but den now I dun..its not dat I dun want to..but I dun have cash..haiz..hmm dad I love u da most and I noe very well dat u wun be reading my entry but will juz say few words here..To all daughters and son deir father is da best and da same goes to me..my dad always said dat no matter wad I am his angel and babygal..hmm..my mum gave birth to me but dad was da 1st to carry me close to his heart and he din allow my mum to carry me much scared dat she might drop me.. hahaha..he bought for me guns and balls and all those boy kinda toys not to teach me to become a tomboy but to be a brave gal..and yesh I did grow up as a brave gal..and also a lil tomboyish..haha…
da 1st person who hold my lil fingers and taught me to walk..he was da one who taught me how to hold a pencil and write..i am attached to my dad since I was born..no matter people called me da unlucky one..he always blessed me saying dat he is lucky to have a daughter like me..he rubbed baby lotion on my knees so dat I wun have dry skin while trying to crawl here and dere..he is da one who plaits my hair when I am going to go skool, he was da one who iron my uniform and till now he is da one who iron my clothes if I am attending any traditional functions..lolz..he was da 1st person who taught me how to tie a shoelace.. he was da one who taught me how to fly a kite..those were da days where he and I use to go for flying kites..and normally he gives in to my kite..haha..he was da one who taught me how to play badminton..all dis happen when I was a kid..yet to reach teenage years…
and when I reach..he celebrated my b’dae quite grand juz becoz I reached teenage years..lolz..and during my PSLE 12years old..i din do well but he was not in sg to console me..he was in India for some kinda business and temple visiting… but he called me from dere and asked “why wad happen ma?, nevermind still can try..” after listening to his words and taking all da discouragement from some relatives I tried once more and I got da top 5 results in Singapore…yesh I made him proud..he was soo happy…and he went ard telling everyone dat “my daughter got top results” lolz…instead of me I saw da tears of joys in his eyes..lolz..den he was da one who brought me to my sec skool..he was da one who carried my bag for me..
den once I went secondary skool a lot of things change…yet he still showered me love..but juz dat he din noe how to show..maybe he thinks dat I have grown up..but he din realize dat I am still his babygal in his eyes…no matter I fail or pass my test, exam or project wadeva name it..he will be da 1st one to know…he scolds and argue wif me for no reason at times and we will not talk for weeks or even mth but den in da end he comes and apologies.. I have never apologies at all…lolz..blame it my ego or stubbornness I dun care..yeah as grow up now I am going to be 21…
he has dis fear dat I might leave him…he has dis fear dat dere is no one to put tea for him though he has another younger daughter who is my sis..and he has dis fear dat no one will hang his shirt for him, he has dis fear dat no one will take medicines for him, he has dis fear dat I might be da stubborn daughter in law for a family..lolz..he always wanted to hold my hands even now but he feared dat I might push his hand away..he has dis fear dat I might fall for a bad guy..sometimes his taste and mine varies a lot but den he wins at times..for example he buys for me a gagara or Punjabi suit or any dress or top..i will say I dun like it…but he forces me to wear dem..and when I wear and attend a function..people come and say “hey ur suit is nice, oh wow ur gagara is beautiful, oh my god I like ur Punjabi suit” and when my dad hears dis he gives a big grin…grrr…lolz…and I will stare in blank space…
and yeah..he always comes into my room secretly to kiss my forehead and tap me even knowing I am already sleeping but actually I am awake..juz closed my eyes to see wad is da old man up to..haha..and da best part he enters my room when my mum is not looking or when she is sleeping or when she is not at home..coz my mum is jealous dat my dad loves me more den her..and yeah he even claims it..lolz.. I love my dad a lot and neither do I show now and so does he…now he is getting old..he is 51 dis year..excluding him dere 4 other people in my family, my mum, elder bro, younger sis and me, but he always nag at me for not doing hseworks, bring da dogs for a walk, massage his leg and stuff..i dun noe why…lolz..maybe he knows dat da others wun do at all…
wahahahhahaha..oh he was da one who encouraged me to dance in parties lolz..yeah I enjoyed those time I danced with him at dance floor..lolz..ahh…yeah nowadays we seem to be arguing a lot and yeah he hurt me sooo much..but I am juz keeping quiet…let him speak one day he might juz realize..haiz..wadeva it is after all he is my dad. The 1st man whom I love soo much in my life. The man whom I will neva share wif anyone even my mum. The man who showers me soo much of invisble love…LOL..coz he dun show his love…hahaha..yeah Happy Father’s Day.
Brother's ROM and Engagement
Well dat was for father’s day..and yeah gotta tell another thing on 18 June 2005 was my bro’s had soo much fun man..yeah woke up in da morning…and all da arrangements and things needed to bring coz the engagement and rom was held at Khalsa..yeah we hired a bus too..ard 11+ wen to the saloon to style my hair wif my sis..though my hairstyle din really workout as wad I wanted…ppl said its nice..lolz…so juz managed…den back home at 1pm+ hahahha…den came back home asked my dad to iron my suit…and den we all began to get ready..coz we have to be in khalsa by 6pm and da bus came to my hse carpark at 5pm sharp…
yeah got ready and all…oh my…den left da hse…all my cuzins and family fren board da bus…den left to Khalsa…yeah den arranged all da plates and gave pose for pictures…yeah…den da bride..my sis-in-law came..ahh…den da ceremony began…den da ring exchanging…hahaha…when my brother was doing his speech thingy he sound so scared…LOL…soo Officially my Brother is married..i think traditionally he will be getting married next year…hippie…but I think his annoyance will not leave me man…sighz…den we ate..da food was nice..ahh…and den..my fav part…da danc floor….wahh….lolz..i danced like nobody’s business man…really enjoyed…oh dis shamini was caught in jam…pig..so she missed da 1st part of engagement thingy…nvm..lolz..and I think every cuzin da gals..looked damn beautiful and hot…Punetha sis, Meera, Shamini, Kumari anni, Kamlesh anni all were in Saree and Suba, my sis and myself were in Punjabi suit…at 1st I din like my suit coz was not my selection but my dad’s but den most people said my suit is nice..lolz..weird man…hehe..yeah dance and dance..really enjoyed till da last moment…den was 11+…so all had to go as da bus was back…den board da bus and left Khalsa…den in da bus all were talking abt da ceremony da dance floor and stuff..den next day..was Father’s day..yeah juz went for breakfast and evening went to temple..ahh…den back home…damn tiring…I tot I juz fell..i neva knew I wld fall out so soon..and neither did I expect dis from him..damn..i feel dat I was betrayed and cheated…damn him…I trusted him and stuff…and even wanted to give my love…but den I realize lucky I din tell him those three special words…all he did was lie..dats all he knew..din talk to me for da past one week..his best fren calls me and said dat he is missing whether do I know where is he..and yeah he changed his mailbox password also…smart ass..and den he had another hp line..and told me dat was his campmate..but when I called today..i found out dat it was not his campmate but his mother’s hp…
damn him..dis kinda fella shld be tortured to hell..i was living a life of my own..yet he made love grow in me..he made me feel pampered..and now he juz leave me like dat and goes missing..and at last after quite a number of days when he answers da call..he claims he is busy and hang da phone on me..and den goes missing again…he claims he was living in his hse and most of da time in camp…but den his best fren asking me din u noe he was living wif his officer’s daughter Maya. Grrr..shld I believe or not…damn I lost da trust….why do I have to go through dis again…
damn..if only he had not come back in my life again..wad does he benefit by making be believe his lies and stuff…is he da guy whom I wanted to hold hands…is he da guy whom I wanted to hug when he was so upset wif life..is he da guy whom I prayed for to get a good life..is he da guy whom I wanted to kiss his forehead when he said he loves me more den himself..why did he say he loves me, why did he say he wants to marry me, why did he say he wants to wake up everyday to see my face in da morning, why did he say I am da best gal he ever met, why did he say he will be da priest if I go temple, why did he say he wants me to be his child who he pampers a lot…why??? My heart is shattered in pieces…I have cried a lot for da past few days..having a happy function in my hse and going through such a pace in my life…I dun noe how I managed to smile and dance..etc…God really gave me a strong heart I guess…haiz..If I am gonna meet him in da street wif another gal..dats it..i will approached the gal and say..din u get a betta guy..and plz be warned dat dis fella lies a lot..so i think u rather be single..arggghhh…oh my gosh..da pain in my heart is really pricking…is it wrong for me to ask much…guess I shld not have fallen in da 1st place…*walks away..Societyz LoneRanger*
I saw dis while I was browsing through net..and I think its well written and all true and also wad I am feeling..so yeah tot of pasting it here…
I Don’t Need..
I don’t need for you to say you’re sorry for what you did
I need for you to show that you’ve changed
I don’t need excuses, the whys or where-fores to explain your actions
I need to know what plans you’ve made to resolve your excuses
I don’t need promises
I need action
I don’t need candy and roses
I need tenderness and trust
I don’t need shattered dreams and broken dishes
I need a future, with peace
I don’t need tears and bruises
I need laughter and love
I don’t need to hear the words “it will never happen again”
I need for it not to happen
I don’t need the chaos of your violent storms
I need the calm of quiet seas
I don’t need the terror of a war zone
I need the playfulness of a schoolyard
I don’t need a calendar and stop watch to monitor my day
I need freedom to come and go as I please
I don’t need you looking over my shoulder
I know there is no one standing there
I don’t need jealousy, outrage, or distrust
I need sanity, peace, quiet
I don’t need you
I do need me
*Lessons Learnt In Life*
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.
Dis is da website for “wad were u in previous life” http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/
And da results are..
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Ireland around the year 1475.
Your profession was that of a artist, magician or fortune teller.
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Bohemian personality, mysterious, highly gifted, capable to understand ancient books.
With a magician's abilities, you could have been a servant of dark forces.
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your task is to learn, to love and to trust the universe. You are bound to think, study, reflect, and to develop inner wisdom.
And den dis is da website for wad does ur name tells abt u:
http://www.bostonuk.com/names/default.asp
da results are…
With your charismatic personality and persuasive powers you naturally attract all the good things in life which you could want. Kind, generous and sincere you are a good friend and partner with strong attachments to home and family. You are ambitious and have sound business acumen, this together with a natural love of life ensures that you enjoy success financially and in your relationships.
Pretty interesting…lolz..yeah..now juz nothing to do..and I would like to tell all my frenz congrats on deir results and for those who din really do as dey expect..neva give up dere is always another way..aightz..signing off Societyz LoneRanger..
Sister: I am having fever..and my throat is pain *gives da innocent look*
Brother: why din u take the medicine.?
Sister: I can’t swallow the capsule..
Brother: what do u mean by cannot..come I give the medicine..
Sister: ok..
Brother and sister goes to the kitchen while me watching dis whole scenario by my side look..while doing hsehold chores..
Brother: open ur mouth..
Sister: *opens mouth* (she cannot swallow..so she pukes)
Brother: aiyo u can’t even swallow..nvm..i shall melt is for u..
Brother takes da tablet and melt in a spoon filled wif hot water and feeds my sister..
Sister: *looking at me as though she got what she wanted*
Brother: okies..now u go and sleep..i will come later and check ur temperature
Sister: ok..
Brother asked me to put his clothes for washing and ask me to dry dem and after the clothes has been dried..fold dem and pack his bag..i was like wth…grr..okies..da loving scene ended after my brother left da hse to meets his frenz and my sis wen to bed…and den my dad came back home..da 1st question he asked..
Dad: where is ur sis?
Me: she is sleeping..
Dad: how come she sleep so early?
Me: ohh..she said she is not feeling well..
Dad: why what happen to her?
Me: I think she is having fever
Dad: oh..has she eaten..?
Me: no..
Dad said he tot of bringing us down to coffee shop to eat dinner..but since ur sis is sick nvm..we shall cancel da plan..but den my sis woke up and said “nvm dad we can still go..den he was ok..When we went down..saw my bro but he said he took his dinner..so only da four of us went..my parents, sis and myself..so both my parents was telling my sis dat she cannot eat dis and dat coz her throat will be more pain and stuff..den all dis loving scene ended after da dinner..okies..
i wrote abt dis whole scenario…coz I was having high fever juz da two weeks ago..and my temperature went to 39degrees..but none of dem gave a damn abt it..and I was coughing like a TB patient..and dat time also dey neve asked anything…why am I always da left out one..why am always loner..why why why??? I feel like screaming man…I have so much of anger in me…I used to be a very hot-tempered person..but now I control everything those who noes me very well shld noe my temper well also..now I control my temper..hide my feelings and neva show my emotions..do u think its easy for me to do all this…I have sooo much in my heart…I juz dun noe how or who to tell it out..why..i have always been pushed aside since I was a child..all called me da unlucky one..da bad omen..da bad sign for da day…a kid who brings bad luck to the hse..since young I was blamed for my brother and sister’s mistake..since young got wacked for everything and every mistake my sibling does..since I was born..i din get da opportunity to drink my mother’s milk..neva get the chance to be hugged by her..neva get the chance to kiss her forehead..neva get the chance to hold her hands and walk..but my siblings..dey were such a gifted kid..why is it me…is it becoz I am da 2nd child..is it becoz I am da middle one..if only I cld tear my heart and show how much I have inside…
My family member criticize me..becoz I am a bad luck..ppl criticize me..coz of my looks, dressing and da way I talk and even da way I look…if I am created and born like dat..is it my mistake..living in my own way is it a mistake..
Da journey of my life is so dark, lonely and its getting bad to worse..i have neva seen a rainbow in my life..not even a little light is going to shine upon me..and dun even have a good companion to share everything…
I wanted to tell her so much…I wanted to get a hug from her..i wanted to lie on her lap and cry so much…but she was busy wif her life..and I din get the opportunity to talk to her how we use to talk at nightz…coz dat place has been replaced by another special person of her life…I realized dat we shld not disturb another person life…no matter how much we love dem..we must give dem deir own space..i wish I cld be out wif her to spend my day and forget everything I am going through…I wish…I wish…so many wishes..but whats da point…an unwanted person like me..shld not have wished and likes and dreamz..all are going to go the waste…I wish I cld end my life here..but shall see what is da one above gonna give me next…if dere is only wish I wanna make now..is to be gone with the wind..Societyz Loneranger walks away..wif Shattered Heart..
Okies..Guru..i only noe guru for like 3 mths..maybe..and den he claims dat…if any guy wld have to marry..must marry a gal like me…wahhahaha *floats* maybe he jus dun noe da real me…hehehe…hmm..yeah and da best part he has neva met me in person but have seen me in friendster and chat in msn and message thru sms and talk on da phone..oh my..and da best part he is my brother’s sec skool close buddy…small world shld I say..and oh ya he is also related to my brother’s gf..my future sis-in-law.. dis fella is juz too good wif his words man..oh..my I wonder where do dey get all those heart melting words..eeehh…lolz…
hmmm…as I was lying down on my bed..i was thinking..last time..when a guy likes a gal or loves a gal..he wld ask..whether..wanna be his stead or gf..but now time has changed…but now guys as soon as they like da gal…dey immediately ask da gal to marry him..da word marry may seem to simple for a guy but to a gal..it’s a new world she wld be stepping..a world which she has been dreaming eva since she became a women…I dun noe wad guys think abt marriage..but to me it’s a beautiful part of life..now two guys are fighting over me…kinda off actually…ahh…da both of dem are damn possessive…hmm…I am juz being a good fren to dem and making deir life a much more happier one…but I dun noe when I am gonna break deir heart or are dey gonna break mine…hmm..yeah...ahh…
I wish I cld juz rattle all dis to her..but den..our conversations seems to be quieter nowadays…and I dun wanna disturb her also..coz she is not as free as she she use to be..lolz..kidding..and yeah..maybe she has found her light of life..lolz..kiddin..*winkz* dun get tense..aightz..yeapz..i juz miss those days really…when we can juz talk anything out of da box…but now..its diff..we seem to be quieten down…ahh…and I dun have anyone else to speak to..except myself and God.. I hope dat God gives me a chance to know wad is good and bad for life…haiz…if only my parents can sponsor me cash..i wld juz leave everything and juz travel to a diff country…hope it happens soon…bidding of goodbye Societyz Loneranger..