light up the darkness
The Writer
A Simple Gal With Extraordinary Personality
She Keeps Her Heart Guarded Most Of The Time
A Gal Who Has Lost Many Things In Life
A Gal Who Still Believes A Sparkle May Appear
In Her Dark Life


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This is for you..@Friday, February 25, 2005

I met him at a b’dae party at East Coast..while my shamini, menaka and i were walking towards him..i was like..uh ah..he is da guy shamz always talk abt..haha..well i have neva talked, neither met him...dat day was my 1st meeting..There were other people too, like his bro, friends and cousin. The b’dae boy was his cousin. The 1st impression i had on him was..”This fella is so arrogant” the best part he also had the same 1st impression abt me..but i liked his hospitality. Though its like 1st time we are meeting he talked well, a sociable person i should say. Menaka and i were sitting and actually teasing and making fun of his fren’s nostrils...LOL!!! only some knows why..hmm..after some talking..and the cake cutting ceremony, menaka and i had to leave as we had work and shamz also left with us as she din wanna be left alone there. hahaha...hmm...den shamz, menaka and he, they all had diff outings...went out and played pool, carom, monopoly and stuff..but i din go...its becoz i din noe him and his cousins much..and the timing is so late..or i juz felt like don’t go..i felt i was not in the group thingy...

hmm..ahh..but alot of things has happen..so many ppl came and many left too...i guess since last year i only due to a problem given by someone i began to talk to him..hmm..it started with a smile..and he always tell shamz dat he is like dun wanna scold or beat me like how he does to shamz n menaka..haha..i wonder why!!! Till now we wonder how it started..when did we begin to be close and stuff...now we conference...chat online..go movies..ahh..a few weeks ago..shamz,parveen, he and myself wen to watch teh movie Racing Stripes..a nice movie..after dat he tickled me..ahh..dat was da 1st time he did dat..idiot..!!!juz after that week later ..i forgot exactly which day..ahh..i think on the 12 feb..,shamz, teddy, shamz mum, my cuzin bro devan, myself and he, we all wen to the airport to send off my fren parveen..ahh..after sending her off...well dats when i realise dat dis fella has no patience..haha..coz we were a lil late and kept calling every 5-10mins asking where are we...*grinkz* yeah...den after sending her off..we wen to take our lunch..den my cuzin bro left has he had to go out..den we all took pics..ahh..dat was da 1st time i sat on his lap and took a pic...haha..he must be gifted for dat pose..lolz...and we were walking at terminal 2...dats where for the 1st time a guy carried me...and dat was him..lolz...i guess i was heavy man...LOL!!! hmm...i can only beat him...hmm..oh ya..one point when shamz n i was chasing him in the escalator...i juz raised my hand like i am gonna slap him...and da reaction he gave...cho cute...haha..but he din get slapped by me..

hmm..den we all left...after dat..shamz he and i met up..hmm..i was a lil late..lolz..wen to the food court..shamz ate...den we were playing a game dere..after dat..wen to GV...he wanted to watch a movie..so its like da movie last day was dat day..it was 19 feb..hmm...but ended up watching da movie..”Flight of the Phoenix” hmm an interesting and nice movie..yeah before dat movie we sat at LJS he wanted to eat..as he was hungry..den he bought the meal and also my fav chocolate pie...haha...shamz was saying she is on diet...haha...dat was da 1st time he fed me the pie...isn’t he sweet..ahh..yummy..i meant the chocoalte pie..LOL...den we wen to watch the movie..i was sitting in between of shamz n him...lolz..he was like so engrossed in the movie...after the movie end...he kept tickling while everyone was leaving...neva keep his hands still...nonsense...so beat him..i tot i beat him at his hand but end up beating his chest..when i was holding my file against my chest, he tot i was protecting my chest from him beating me...stoopid...lolz...yeah..after dat we bought some things and left home...den we juz have some conference and talk alot of diff scenarios....and interesting questions...hmm..u might be wondering who is dis “HE”...

He is Premkumar...my lovable huggable teddy bear...he claims dat i am his wife and he is my husband...haha..actually we are married...haha..no la...but he always call me Pondato instead of pondati..sounds like potato as what shamz always says....lolz...Prem..hmm..a very nice guy..he respect gals...and also ppl who are respectable...he might look big but his heart is juz like my fist size probably...he smokes, he drinks..which i dun like..but he is stubborn juz like me..actually not like me coz he is stubborn but i am obstinate..he doesn’t like me eating ice-cream at late night...isn’t he sweet...cho caring...he might look stern and firece..but the fact is...a gem of a guy..he might be hot tempered at times...stubborn..ego..lolz...but not many knows his heart..what is he thinking while is lying on his bed...he sometimes ask himself..why does it happen to him always..why can’t be like dat..hmm..well Prem..u gotta be a lil patience for the change of your life..and oh ya..he knows alot abt PCs...grr...i dun noe much...and i am waiting when he is gonna do my PC for me...sighs...he is huggable, lovable, irritable, naughty, strict, fun, cute, concern, playful, and he is a good guy..haha..well..actually he said its ok don’t need to write the entry for him...lolz...coz i promised him last year..but then since he wrote me one last year juz becoz i asked him to...ahh..so tot of doing a sweet entry for him..hope you like it my Huggable Lovable Teddy Bear..*Muackz*


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.

Episode 8@Thursday, February 24, 2005

Tani called...

Arjunan: Harlow..

Tani: hyee..where are you and watcha doing

Arjunan: I am with my galfren out..

Tani: oh my pity the gal..

Arjunan: hahaha..well she is a gifted chick okies..

Tani: ya right my foot..

Arjunan: you are jealous la....

Tani: wadeva...wahaha..

Arjunan: hey i wanna ask..next week sat are you free...

Tani: why..?

Arjunan: i wanna bring you somewhere..dun ask now..when the time is right i will tell

Tani: Oh my i am sorry arjuna..i am booked...

Arjunan: By who la *shocked*

Tani: haha...by Prati..its her b'dae..

Arjunan: IT'S HER BIRTHDAY??? oh my god...why din she tell me..

Tani: hmm..hey why not we both give her a suprise b'dae party

Arjunan: sure..

They both made some interesting plans..and Arjunan made another plan for Tani...hmm...whats gonna happen next?


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.

@

Oh Gosh
many things running in my head..i juz dun noe whether are they all my imagination or is it reality which is after me..hmm..i seriously dun noe..i always follow my heart, i speak what my heart says..sometimes it tells me things which i can neva believe either..but what am i suppose to...for the past few days i have been conferencing..haha..hmm..a good time for a tired day...talking abt all those wild, romantic, serious, scenarios...wahahahaha...right now what my heart ask is this...would anyone juz pamper me pleash...
oh i forgot to tell i gotta date to watch the movie Hitch...hippie..lolz..coz i am waiting for the movie man...my fav actress..weewit!!! and oh ya i wanna watch the movie "CLOSER" anyone wanna come..actually i guess shamz is coming but i ain't sure about it..what if she gotta date to watch that movie...*cries* LOL...i feel that i am incomplete...hmm..what do i lack of...you wanna make a guess..haha..go ahead...
The Shocking News for This Week:
My darling husband has a secret admirer who wanna marry him...wahahaha...
My Class Advisor says that i gotta very good conduct and am a good gal *looks at shamz*
my story is actually getting interesting..lolz...but looks like i dun have much fans..its ok..i will cotinue for my other fans..out dere..
my mum brought and treat me for a movie...wahahaha...and i ate the jumbo hotdog meal and also nachos...Can You imagine!!! *rubs stomach*
i overslept yest and din attend school...neither did i get a MC
Shamini has been getting irritated lately..due to her pmsing...<--well this is not really shocking coz its monthly problem..whahaha...
aightz...nothing much then..anything juz tag me..will be back in action soon..


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.

My story...@Tuesday, February 22, 2005

well people now its my episode 7..yeah sorry for the break aightz..yeah..hope u all will read without fail...

Episode 7

Prati was busy working on her new assignment and she got a message.
Its from Arjunan. The message says: Are you free darling? Prati gave a weak smile.
She called him and asked “yesh how can I help you Arjunan?” he laffed..and said well do you mind joining me for lunch and I wanna bring you to a place which I need your help. Prati said: uh ah..okies..no problem..so where are you gonna bring me to? He replied saying: Can you like juz come..den I will bring you there after our lunch. She juz laffed…
At around 12.30 Prati left her work to meet Arjunan who was waiting outside her office building with his bike.

Prati: err..are we like going to go in bike?

Arjunan: yesh..why?

Prati: no..i am afraid..

Arjunan: afraid..*laughs*..okies..sorry..afraid of what?

Prati: well you see..Tanisha does not like me taking juz a bike license..and if she comes to know that i took a bike ride she will kill me.

Arjunan: *laughs like mad* sorry sorry..juz dat i find it soo farnie

Prati: *stares at Arjunan*

Arjunan: don’t worry..okies..we will have a safe ride and i won’t tell Tani dat we took a bike ride..its a promise my best buddy.

Prati: okies..i trust..and don’t you dare tell her..

He start his bike and went to a food court and ate..the meal was on him..and while eating Prati asked, “where are we heading after lunch?” Arjunan said: “well its a suprise, juz wait and see” den after lunch they headed to a place..its a place full of roses and other beautiful flowers...Prati asked: “where are we?” Arjunan said: “This place is called the Garden of Love” Prati said: “This place is so beautiful” Arjunan said: “yeah..come lets go in and look for the florist” Both of them walked in..while walking Prati was mesmerised by the place..Arjunan was admiring her the way she admired the place..Suddenly a voice came and asked: “How can i help you sir and miss..” Prati said: “actually i don’t know why am i here..ask this fella cause he brought me here *giggles* Arjunan said: Ssshh...don’t embarrass me la..anyway lady we are here to order a bouqet of blue roses beautifully wrapped and arranged in a manner where the person who is gonna receive must fall in love with me..haha. Prati: *Stared* The Florist: sure i can help..why don’t you take a look at wrappers and maybe what kinda roses you want..and oh ya take a seat please. Prati and Arjunan said: thankz. The Florist: So when do want collect the roses or you want it to be delivered to the person itself. Arjunan said: i will come and collect it and please make it as the most beautiful day as i wanna give this bouquet and propose to my love of my life. The Florist: hahaha...sure don’t worry. Prati was in silence..den after making the payments for the deposit and stuff..dey were about to leave..but Arjunan stopped a while..he told Prati to wait near his bike..so she said okies...she was waiting and he wen back in and told the florist to make a small bouquet consist of 5 blue roses wrapped with a beautiful purple backgrd and stuff...yeah..he paid and took it out...he walked near Prati and gave her the roses saying "This is for u ma" she wen "what the hell." he was like why u liked the roses..so i tot why not get u one too.." she asked him "do you know the meaning of five roses?" he said "i dun bother and do you wanna noe my meaning of the 5 blue roses?" she asked "what is it?" Arjunan said "the five roses means..You are my Best Buddy..! hehe aren't i sweet" Prati juz gave a smile and hugged him..den he was like "oh no problem..anything for u" Prati asked "anyway the other bouquet is for who?" Arjunan laffed: don't you know who is it for...haha..its for Tani, i plan to propose to her" Prati's smile became weak, she controlled her tears and wished him congrats.." he said thx..everyone need a friend like you gal" she forced a smile and had a ride back to work.." when she reached her work place, Arjunan's hp rang..and it was Tani...


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.

Met Shamz@Friday, February 18, 2005

Expect the unexpected...gosh..too many suprises..haha..juz dat my heart is unable to take it...why is it so...well people..wad do u all think about me story..like it?..and comments? juz wanna noe my readers views and opinions..and yeah i met shamz yest..ate at LJS...we both gave each other a shock..lolz..and it came up to be da same..hmm..den we were juz talking abt alot fo things...and den shamz mum came..so den she said she wanna eat at Food court..so she went alone..voth of us were sitting at LJS and looking at dis romantic couples feeding each other...weewit..If Only...Sighs!!! hahahaha...am least bothered about it..and yeah den shamz mum came back..walked ard for a while..dne we wen Swensons...yummy..after a long time man...shamz n i shared a ice-cream den we ate salad...oh..dere was dis cute waiter...shamz n i got an eye for him...LOL..and den we juz sat dere and were talking abt future..and also present..shamz mum said she gonan leave as she wanna buy 4D number man..and yeah TOTO is 10 Million...ahh..if i strike....i will go for a long holiday...and yeah yest only i realised dat i did blushed infront of my fren and she told me yest only....damn...lolz...i din noe dat i did dat...wahahahaha...yeah dats all...den we left...wen to yishun....shamz wen tuition and me wen to home...damn tired...tot of conferencing but too bad prem wen MIA..lolz..so i slept already..yeah dats all...

Sometimes i wish was in love...
sometimes i wish i was not...
sometimes i need so much of love..
but end up getting all the hurt..
do you think i will find what my heart desires..
or do you think my heart will find what i desire..
too many thinking running in mind..
i leave it to the one above..
This feeling is so strange..
i juz dun noe how to describe it..
i am lost for words..
Would someone jus point me out to their frenz and say
She Is The Gal!!!

hahahaha...well people..juz felt like telling my tots and it came up to a poem..fuu..not bad ah..howz my poem..written juz by me..no Copyrights..


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.

A story of Reality@Thursday, February 17, 2005

This is a story of reality. It is actually a story of a gal whom I know. Though the 1st half is the truth which is happening in the present, the ending is an imagination of the gal. The three important people in the story are

Pratimisha
21 years old
Slim, sexy, studious, pious yet wild
Sensitive & emotional
Loves the simple things in life
Loves to dream
Pretty, nice smile
Parents are strict

Tanisha
20 years old
Bubbly, never live up to her horoscope, Virgo
She’s not someone who let her feelings be known.
Has her own sense of style of fashion, stubborn.
Adorable, baby-look
Parents are nice

Arjunan
21 years old
Difficult to make a conversation with
Charming smile
Homely guy, filial son, studious
Never dye hair, never pierce ear
Good body
Handsome
Don’t know how to dance but act very cool
Parents are strict not fun


Episode1

Both Tanisha and Pratimisha know each other when they met during primary school. But they were not friends as there was some misunderstanding between them. In primary school for 6 years they didn’t talk to each other. But Pratimisha didn’t do well in her exams and that’s when Tanisha and she were in the same class. Tanisha tried smiling but Pratimisha didn’t bother. One year gone just like that.
Tanisha was at the canteen. Pratimisha stepped into the school. Neither did both of them expected to be in the same secondary school. Pratimisha didn’t realise till she went to the canteen to ask someone for the direction to the orientation hall…


Episode 2

Pratimisha went to the canteen and she saw someone sitting alone, so she went near and asked..

Misha : excuse me do you know where is the orientation being held…?

Tanisha looked up and said…

Tanisha : ya..(smiled)

Misha : You are tanisha rite

Tanisha : ya, we both are from same primary school.

Misha : hahaha…so shall we go to the orientation together

Tanisha : sure, why not.

This gals neva tot or imagine both of them are god sent angels to each other. Though they were not in the same class during their sec 1, in sec 2 both were in the same class. They had a group of friends. All of them always go to break together. Pratimisha was a very quiet gal during a sec 1 and 2.. Things changed when they went to sec 3…Pratimisha and Tanisha were the best of friends and till now too..

Episode 3

Sec 3..Pratimisha was more talkative and Tanisha was not that talkative. Both of them including their group of frens all had fun and life time memories for the next 2 years..Sec 5, the crucial year for all of them. During ‘O’levels all became studious. That year just pass through like wind. Their results changed their life. Pratimisha and Tanisha didn’t do well..can’t blame them..Cambridge had some problems..*winkz* Therefor Tanisha took Private course and Pratimisha took ‘O’level again..time pass..but still Pratimisha couldn’t make it and da best part Tanisha applied for Math ‘O’level paper while studying a private course…and she didn’t go for her Math paper as she felt she can’t do it..LOL..she is just like a fren a bummer…haha..well..Pratimisha applied a course in ITE..and Tanisha is doing a diploma..To both of them life had so many ups and downs…but they were there for each other no matter what…and Pratimisha was so close with Tanisha that she at times will be jealous if she knows that there is someone else Tanisha is close with..haha…They went through a lot in love life and when they told themselves that they are not got gonna fall in love and stuff…their journey of life changed…many unexpected things happened…


Episode 4

Arjunan changed their life..*Flashback*..One fine day when Tanisha and Pratimisha were online..Tani, paste the link of Arjunan’s from friendster..Misha wen to take a look at his profile..and her heart melted once she saw Arjunan’s smile..She was attracted at the first sight..actually she hardly believes in think kind of things..She didn’t tell Tanisha at all about this..So what the both of them did..they msged Arjunan just to get to noe and be a friend of his..well must say thay they are gal of guts..and Arjunan messaged Pratimisha and also added each other in MSN too…and Tanisha also got Arjunan message and added in MSN too..But Arjunan and Pratimisha could not talk much..as Arjunan is difficult to make a conversation with..Tanisha and Arjunan got along well though at times Tanisha finds Arjunan irritating..*smiles*..one day Arjunan called Tanisha out…and Pratimisha felt left out as he din call her out at all…and she felt wads wrong with her. Tanisha and Pratimisha were talking on the phone and that’s when Tanisha told Pratimisha that she is attracted to Arjunan…
To be continued….

Episode 5

Pratimisha was in a state of shock..tears stroll down her cheeks..her smile was lost her laughter gone with the wind..she felt inferior compared to Tanisha..she always know that Tanisha is very beautiful and a good person to talk to..but as everyone says that Pratimisha has a sharp tongue.. and a sarcastic speech..Arjunan was more keen in talking with Tanisha..and after all the conversation with Arjunan, Tani comes and tell Pratimisha not knowing what her friend is really feeling..Pratimisha told to herself not to tell Tanisha and to anyone about her feelings towards Arjunan..Pratimisha always wrote down wadeva she feels and her daily happenings in life in her scrapbook..till now no one has read what has been written in it even Tanisha. Prati felt hurt..she was falling deeper forArjunan..but she knew its not possible..as her best fren Tani likes Arjunan and he is more attracted to her and Prati assumed that he likes Tani..and yes Prati’s assumption was 100% right..Arjunan was falling for Tani..but didn’t tell her. He was like playing the hard to get game with Tani..making her feel jealous when he talks about other gals and goes around saying that he likes another gal..but the truth is he likes Tani a lot..One day Tani introduced Arjunan to Prati when they met for a drink…Prati felt so uncomfortable…they talked for a while..Prati said she wanted to leave but then Tani said hold on a while..she wanted to get some things..therefore she asked Prati to keep Arjunan company..Pratimisha stared at Tani…and

Tani: why are you looking at me like that..?

Prati: no..juz for fun..

Arjunan: alrite darlings enuff…Tani go and get the things which you wanted babe..

Tani: aightz u idiot..(she left laffing)

So Arjunan began a conversation with Prati..

They sat at Long John Silvers at Yishun..and Arjunan asked..

Arjunan : so how long do u know Tani

Prati: for abt 13yrs..

Arjunan: actually I want to tell you something but 1st promise me that u must not tell Tani…

Prati: err..okies..shoot..

Arjunan: I think I am falling for your friend..i just love her the way she is…I can’t control my emotions..

Prati is lost of words..

Prati: hahaha…okies…does Tani knows that you like her..and stuff..why dun u tell her what are you feeling for her..

Arjunan: I am just waiting for the right time ma..i want to know more about her..

Prati: cool..i am always there to help you..dun worry..

Tani: hey guys..i am back..so watcha guys were talking about..i know abt me right..

Both Prati and Arjunan smiled at each other..

Episode 6

Days wen on..the journey of life continued..and Tanisha’s and Arjunan’s love story continued..Arjunan called Prati and asked whatever Tani likes and dislikes and more about her..and Prati without fail she told everything…Arjunan said..

Arjunan : hey Prati..do you know what colour roses Tani likes..

Prati : She loves blue roses..

Arjunan : hmm…looks like u both gals have a lot of similarity..

Prati : haha..we are best friends..

Arjunan : Can I be your best buddy

Prati : hmm..why this sudden question

Arjunan : Cause I really admire your friendship and I wish I met you earlier..

Prati : haha..if u had met me earlier what you would have done

Arjunan: well guess I would have been in love with you..*winkz*

Prati: smiled..haha..you ah..full of nonsense..man..
Arjunan : aightz sweetheart I gotta go..c ya soon..take care ma..

Prati : Good Night..

They hanged up the phone..and so many things were running in Prati’s mind..she hugged her bolster and cried all nite…coz she juz can’t tell what she is going through..

Aightz people wait for my episode 7..hope u like this story..


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.

Valentine@

My Valentine

Well…people…I really had a great time on my Valentine’s Day…met shamz at bishan den we wen to orchard…ate at KFC at Taka…and yeah we were juz talking about whateva which is happening in our life…oh ya I used the unused chilli packets and wrote “I Love You Shemini” on the tray…haha…*aren’t I sweet* BLINKZ* and den we wen to HMV..shamz got a rose from a gal who was giving..from Singapore Press Holdings..haha…and I got a rose from this contact lens sponsor..and their name is Blink..hehe…I got a green folded rose while shamz was a red real rose man…and den we wen to HMV…walked ard…saw so many young kids..ahh…after dat we walked to Far East..and it looked so dead man…wonder where the other couples went…coz compared to last year..dis year were less couples..or maybe I guess deir plan was come out night..*winkz* and den we walked ard…and went to Scotts Food Court..had yogurt damn nice..shamz intro it to me…and yeah it was really nice…thx..and den we played dis game…damn farnie da results..i juz wanna laff man…wahahaha…and time flies fast..it was 7+pm…gotta leave…den took the train..freaking crowded man..i nearly fell..coz outta balance and I pulled shamz jacket I tot I pulled her top man..lucky..wahaha..or else it wld an unforgettable scene for all those guys ard us…LOL…and den near Bishan I took a gift from my bag and gave her saying its for happy valentine’s day…and she looked at me and asked are u kidding…I was like eh…grr….for u la…den she din wanna open..but I asked her to open and see if she liked it..and yeah when she open…da braclet fell down…and she picked it up..da best part was she din look shock neither surprise I was a lil taken back I tot I wld expect a totally different reaction..haha..nvm gal..guess u din express it or I cld not see it…lolz..anyway hope u like it a lot…and yeah treasure it okies…oh ya…she nagged at me for getting her da gift as I had my own problems..…PIG!!! nvm babe..anything for u and for all my loved ones…One day if I am gone u must look at all those gifts I gave u some were made…some were bought..some were cards and some were notes…all this are for u coz u must look at it and laff and and look at the places we went and had so much fun…I dun wanna see u cry if I am gone…though I am not there I wan my speciality to atleast make u smile…power ah…fuu..i noe u must be thinking I am mad…I dun care…hehe..and yeah we really washed eyes man..some guys were single..and some were another gals bf….LOL…but do I care…hahaha..thx…dats all pplz hope all the other couples and frenz also had a great time too..Take Care…Coming up my next entry is my story…plz read it pplz..and u can always tag me…aightz…dats all


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.

A fren who walked the journey with me half way..@Tuesday, February 15, 2005

So many things have happen and I am pretty shocked about wadeva has happen..well my dear fren..u have hurt me by ur words..but its ok..coz I got no comments about it as I just realize that you have yet know me well enuff..haha..its ok baby take ur time to know me well..i am not fully blaming u for wadeva has happen..but juz leave it to the journey of life..i have always treated u as my very good fren but then u have pricked my heart by saying that I was neva close with u..or worse I was neva an issue to you. You really meant a lot to me but I guess that u fail to see that..and wen u do..i guess I wun be there ma..May God Bless You…


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.

Happy Valentine's Day@

Weewit..its Valentines day..i can juz see all the roses chocz and teddy bears ard...oh my..i wonder where those lovable hugs, unforgettable kiss, gifts, poems, sweet talk and stuff goes for the 364 days...LOL...well its true man..and i would like to wish all my loved ones Happy Valentine's Day darlings..to me Valentine's Day is not only celebrated amonmg gf n bf..but among all ur loved ones..and all those who are going on a date..enjoy ur day...and do u think i din get a date..Hell NO!!! I have a date..yesh!!! my best fren Shamini called me out on a date..and yeah i am soo planning to dance a Salsa with her in da middle of Orchard..da Mohabatein Music..kneels down and ask * Care to dance with me shamz..* picks a rose and place it between of my lips and hold her hands and dance * SHAMINI YOU ARE MY DARLING* Lets Dance Baby!!! hahaha...well aightz ppl Happy Valentine's Day...Enjoy ur day...


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.

A Speech Of My Heart@Wednesday, February 09, 2005

From My Heart

Wiping my tears before it rolls down my cheeks, I am writing this entry. Those who read it, well u might find it lame or u could just feel what exactly my lil heart is going through. I am gonna be 21yrs old but I can count da days I smile. I was brought up or shld I say I grew up in a more tom boyish way. I dun noe how to dress like a gal. I don’t like dresses. I have neva worn a dress wif comfortable also. I have always wore pants, shorts n stuff. Hmm…what am I suppose to do if I don’t noe how to be feminine. Is it my fault? Yeah u cld say dat I can learn. But whats da point after much effort still back to square one? To be frank, I don’t know how to put on make up, I don’t know how to dress feminine, I don’t know how to even wear a lipstick properly. I don’t know how to be shy or I don’t have shyness? I really don’t know. I don’t wear heels, I don’t even noe how to walk wif dem.
Many people don’t know me well…I have a sensitive side and also a emotional side of me..I am also a human. I have a heart, which is weak at times. People have directly told me dat I am not very beautiful neither am I good looking. I didn’t ask god to create me like dis. Guess I am suffering from Inferiority Complex. Just a few days ago, my dad told, “Do you know that u are looking very ugly nowadays.” Can u tell which daughter wun be hurt. I know very well of myself that I am not good looking as many people I know. But what am I suppose to do for that. I cannot, I don’t know what to do. As some said not only my looks but also my sharp tongue has some problems. I have a sacarstic speech. But that’s how I normally speak.
I really feel that I am just useless. My education is not good, My dressing is not good, my way of speech is not good, my looks..ha ha do I have one? I admire my frenz n cousins..Everyone has praise about deir look, dressing and so many good points of dem..but they din even say anything abt me or I don’t have any good points abt myself? My heart is juz a size of my fist.. and do u noe how much it has been hurt. Ha ha ha..i don’t think so anyone wld noe. I have neither have a job, neither savings, nothing..i don’t have anything, I don’t own anything. I am juz a blank piece of paper which has been torn and used for others usage. My wallet does not contain cash, juz calendars n god pictures. I don’t even have a gold chain in my neck. Normally old folks say a grown up gal must wear atleast a gold chain.

A lot of people said why I don’t wanna wear a gold chain, why I don’t like a gold chain, why I like silver a lot…? So many questions..but has anyone tot what I am feeling, or has anyone asked me. No! When I look at all people who I am surrounded by I will look at dem..and u noe dey are like so beautiful, has a good sense of dressing, knows how to wear make up, knows how to walk like a gal, knows how to be feminine..but when I look at myself..i can only put my head down. Damn me!!! My inferiority is killing me. Since I cut my long hair till now my hair is gone.. can’t even comb my hair in a proper style..Do u think I dun wanna style my hair n stuff..i am also a human..i have my likes and dislikes and wishes…Juz as what my mother normally say, I am hopeless and useless. What have I juz done wrong? U all can ask me why I can’t tell my mum abt da problems. Well, I have really don’t know for how long wld I survive in dis world…instead of being and feeling like dis..might as well God can bring me back. I don’t wanna live dis life..Its hurting !

My mum has neva held my hand, neva hugged me, neva praised me, neva fed me, da most important, she has neva loved me. Do u noe how is it like to be in da same roof with ur mom and she has neva loved u. She doesn’t even noe when I am hungry, what I like, dislike and etc. Oh god guess I am suffering in silence..i really don’t know what I am going thru..i don’t know if I am jealous or wad..i noe very well my face marks are obvious..do u noe dat even my ex boyfren said dat why face got many marks n stuff..even da guy who dated me also agreed wif his frenz saying dat dere are 101 gals betta looking den me…hahahahha..yeah wen I heard dat at first I got sooo mad…but now I guess wad his frenz said is in a way true..
Yesterday I toked to shamz..actually I was contemplating whether to talk to her abt dis or not..haiz..but juz toked..and yeah she dedicated da song You Are Beautiful by Christina Aguilera..haha..Guess no one has seen my plus points or x-factor..or shld I think do I have one…wadeva everyone said is always in my heart..i will neva forget those who hurt me..as shamz said I am not mentally strong…if u ppl are thinking of sending me to IMH..well..go ahead…but beware..shamz will kill u…I wld like to end of by saying…if u noe someone who is not soo…good looking…dun hurt dem by ur words..please think dat they have a heart and also a human..*walks away*


Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.