A Simple Gal With Extraordinary Personality
She Keeps Her Heart Guarded Most Of The Time
A Gal Who Has Lost Many Things In Life
A Gal Who Still Believes A Sparkle May Appear
In Her Dark Life
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On the 28 Jan 2006 Saturday, I had a great time. Celebrated my buddy Madhan’s 20th Birthday at Sembawang Beach. Had so much of fun and laughter. On that day itself in the morning I took the lift to go my cuzin’s hse. In the same lift was the sweeper. Ok shall be more respective. He is Mr Cleaner the reason behind every clean HDB flat in Yishun lolz. Well he and I took the same lift and he kept asking me some questions in Malay which I seriously didn’t understand but I kept smiling, laffing and nodding my head which eventually was the correct answer for wadeva he was telling me. I know I made a fool out of myself but its okay..normal in life..lolz After the beach party came back home and was watching my fav movie on TV.
Coming to a point to what I shall blabber abt this time..hmm..so shall begin my blabbers..I feel that as time flies I am more Byzantine or is it that the people ard me find it dat way. To be honest I am selfish when it comes to love and friendship but is it a crime to be like dat. I dun noe.. But as when I sat down and ponder I realize its not a healthy way to maintain the friendship or love by being selfish. I have realized that friends do not need to talk everyday or meet up every single day but am I able to withstand it. Guess I leave that to fate. My life has been breaking down in a staggering rate. It seems like I am falling apart. I am devastated. Err..wait a minute am I suffering from psychosomatic. I seriously dun noe. Hey but dun worry I dun harm anyone LOLz…
As I was watching tv..i heard him snore. I could have woken him up but I know he is sleeping soundly after a tiring day. As I looked at him, my thoughts when back to those days..I missed the days when I sat on his lap and he tickled me, when he carried me throughout not to make my feet feel the tiredness, when we hold hands took a stroll down the park. The time I slept on his chest, when we had breakfast, lunch and dinner together. I really missed all this..a lot of things have changed due to time. But to his eyes he thinks I am a princess but to me I feel I am slave who is under his control. Some times I really feel he is too disciplinary and over protective but to him this is part of being protective and showing his love. But I dun agree. I might be 22 but to him I guess I am still only 12yrs..i ain’t sure. He thinks I am fine wif everything but he never realize the emotional pain I’m going through. Maybe even I wouldn’t know if he is going through a rough patch in his life. No matter wad he will be my best daddy. As I sat down and open my remembrance box.. so many letters, gifts cute cards and etc.. all those were given to me when I was in sec sch some are even like 5yrs old man.. esp the letters they make me laugh whenever I read them. I really missed those times where my bestie wld make a card for me with no reason..and even write me an letter even when she is juz in da same class as me..lolz..those are beautiful memories. But now guess we have grown up so she thinks sms is more convenient..lolz.. There was this particular letter my bestie wrote..and let me quote a particular part from that letter..this is how its goes.. “Life is full of problems..tell me who doesn’t have? Even a new born baby has a problem thinking which diaper suits the butt.” Okay this part of the letter made me giggle..coz I find it cute and it made me realize life is imperfect.
I assume beautiful beginnings and endings all happens only in fairy tales. Each day is a new beginning of life. So we juz have to go with the flow. The month of February is here..which is known as the month of LOVE..hmm..we shall see if the cupid points the arrow at me..lolz..kidding..Do you all know why am I always cheerful…coz I make a comedy out of my tragedy…
How to cope as an insomnia patient? You might be wondering who is the patient suffering from Insomnia. Its none other then me. Yesh. I can’t sleep well. I have been like awake till 2am and den I knock out within an hour I’m bright awake. I dun noe why is my mind being disturbed. Many people has advised me juz close ur eyes and u can sleep. But I have tried all means juz cannot sleep. My last resort will be sleeping pills. But No I wld never go to that extend. I dun wanna take any risk. All I need is juz a peaceful sleep and for that I need to clear my mind. I’m not having a software program in my mind which I can delete easily. Its all the beautiful and ugly happenings of life which I can’t easily remove. I’m not a typical human being…I’m different. Maybe I’m not human at all.. So which is the truth? The size of my heart is just the size of my fist. It may look small but the weightage is even heavier then I tot or expected. Nah no point brooding over it. Guess I have really blabbered a lot Or more then expected. Hope there isn’t anyone who is against of wad I have said. If u have..i have no problem. After all, its life on Earth. Everybody has a say. Aightz..dats all for now AdiyoZ….
I Am Trying To Scream, But I Can’t Breathe.
I Am Trying To Dream, But I Can’t Sleep.
I Shut My Eyes And Hold My Cries To Myself.
Scribbled by Breaks Da Hearts Of Many Guys.
