Lonely…dats wad I am actually feeling…I juz dun noe why or wad makes me feel like dat…yeah..right now I am having holidays…but..out of cash and no job…being broke is one of da worse thing man. I am being confused over feelings which are strange, relationships which are complicated and frenz…nah nothing to say abt dem actually..You know when u are 21yrs of age and u dun have a single cent as savings and no money in ur wallet…ahh…I hope da table wld turn man. My brother’s ROM is nearing and everyone is soo into it kinda thingy and dey dun give a damn abt me.. do parents always think deir sons are da best and stuff…

I have realized one thing..being good is not gonna bring u to any good..i have control my temper, hide my emotions and neva revealed my feelings..but how long can I do dis..i can’t take it anymore.. My 23yrs old brother aka blood sucker, can be out at late night and come home in da morning..dey wun say anything..my 14yrs old sis leaves da hse in da morning and comes back at evening ard 7+pm dey wun say anything..but me a 21yrs old gal…juz as I go to my cuzin hse which is da beside blk..oh my..dey juz will make it sound as though I made a big time mistake…arghh..i hate it when life looks at me like dat…damn..and from juz now I have been saying “dey” and u might be wondering who is da “dey” and dey are none other den my parents..especially my mom..

Right now I am badly looking for a job and its really hard to get a job man…most of da places I called..expects a Chinese speaking…I guess befor I even get a job I must go for a language class…and in anytime of future I own a company of my own..i am gonna except only Indian speaking…but den if I do dat..dere wun be any difference to me and da ppl who gave ads like dat…sighz..as I am not feeling well…1^st was my fever..its like a frenly vistor who comes and go kinda thing…grr…den is my flam..and now is my cough…I have to clench on my chest when I cough coz it is dat bad..but none of dem give a damn..ahh..juz gonna live my own life man..am sick and tired of being a good kid..

Well..i wld like to noe..is it da week of criticizing…damn I am getting criticized alot… and dere some whom juz dun noe how to speak to a gal..is it becoz dey lack of brain power..or dun dey have a brain…oh my gosh…I hate to grumble and mumble..but do I have a choice..haiz..when I din wan anyone in my life..ahh..life wld be fun but a lil lonely..and now when I am having an enjoyable life..dere comes two entry in my life…prakash and guru (names are changed due to the identity of ppl.) well prakash, I noe him for abt 3yrs but I have only seen him for one year..and da rest of two years he wen MIA..well..when he 1^st got to know me..he made a decision dat I am his gal..ahh…and made my feelings grow for him..den before I wld even wanna say dat I like him..he showed me his other side of him..damn..den we lost contact and now after two years he comes back into my life…and he said dat he has changed into a new leaf becoz of me…and he wanna marry me..and I was like wad da hell…sometimes da way he cares for me..and da way he talks and blah…ahh..any gal wld fall…but den I am juz not ready yet..and Prakash is damn possessive…lolz..he does not like if I said dat he has a competitor.. lolz..

Okies..Guru..i only noe guru for like 3 mths..maybe..and den he claims dat…if any guy wld have to marry..must marry a gal like me…wahhahaha *floats* maybe he jus dun noe da real me…hehehe…hmm..yeah and da best part he has neva met me in person but have seen me in friendster and chat in msn and message thru sms and talk on da phone..oh my..and da best part he is my brother’s sec skool close buddy…small world shld I say..and oh ya he is also related to my brother’s gf..my future sis-in-law.. dis fella is juz too good wif his words man..oh..my I wonder where do dey get all those heart melting words..eeehh…lolz…

hmmm…as I was lying down on my bed..i was thinking..last time..when a guy likes a gal or loves a gal..he wld ask..whether..wanna be his stead or gf..but now time has changed…but now guys as soon as they like da gal…dey immediately ask da gal to marry him..da word marry may seem to simple for a guy but to a gal..it’s a new world she wld be stepping..a world which she has been dreaming eva since she became a women…I dun noe wad guys think abt marriage..but to me it’s a beautiful part of life..now two guys are fighting over me…kinda off actually…ahh…da both of dem are damn possessive…hmm…I am juz being a good fren to dem and making deir life a much more happier one…but I dun noe when I am gonna break deir heart or are dey gonna break mine…hmm..yeah...ahh…

I wish I cld juz rattle all dis to her..but den..our conversations seems to be quieter nowadays…and I dun wanna disturb her also..coz she is not as free as she she use to be..lolz..kidding..and yeah..maybe she has found her light of life..lolz..kiddin..*winkz* dun get tense..aightz..yeapz..i juz miss those days really…when we can juz talk anything out of da box…but now..its diff..we seem to be quieten down…ahh…and I dun have anyone else to speak to..except myself and God.. I hope dat God gives me a chance to know wad is good and bad for life…haiz…if only my parents can sponsor me cash..i wld juz leave everything and juz travel to a diff country…hope it happens soon…bidding of goodbye Societyz Loneranger..